Is Feminism A Clever Disease?

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Most of the deadly diseases in the world morph themselves, they mutate which makes it hard to detect them in the initial stages.

Clever right?

Well, diseases are not the only things that do that. There are certain social systems and believes that are also carefully veiled. One such thing can be Feminism. 

Is Feminism A Clever Disease?

Like Cancer feminism too has its means of surviving. It either proves to be benign or they convince the body into thinking that the effect is the part of the body. 

That way no one can see it in a way different from the one the individual wants others too. This practice is often shielded by a very common question, a question we all have faced-

“You believe in equal rights that makes you a feminist right?”

This is where the morphing procedure begins. It can be related to the defense mechanism of the disease which prevents the body from identifying the problem.

The fanatic feminists see their faith in feminism as a natural thing. They perceive the intent to be pure, and given that, they do not challenge their faith in the institution or belief.

However such deceiving response works for some time. Cancer has some limited success in hiding the body. Very soon the body starts to make responses to the existing infection. 

Under such circumstances, it becomes important for feminists to morph again to create chaos and confusion. 

To make some serious damage control the feminism fanatics release false reports and surveys in the system furthering the chance of confusion.

For instance, a report was published to show that women earn only 77 percent in contrast to a dollar earned by the men doing the same work. Yes, you guessed it right, we are talking about the wave of confusion created by the equal pay for equal work setup.

Though the equal pay for equal work had created a wave of resentment among many living in society, the argument was based on intangible observations. 

The pieces of evidence were such that it required careful study of the facts.  However, someone had to take a break from the daily work to out to verify these shreds of evidence. But obviously, no one had the time. 

What is the result?

We have to accept these rumors and false numbers. 

Thus begins the reign of the disease. 

But though the cards have been neatly laid and the conjurer is ready to start his trick, little do these people realize that such claims such as “equal pay for equal work” have different points of consideration. 

For instance, the pay varies due to the type of the job, the difference in the level of expertise between the two, the work hours and such factors. 

So are these being questioned? Yes, in some places they are. For instance, the Australian Government Equal Opportunity for Women in the Workplace launched a survey in 2010 to study the attitudes towards the Australian pay party. 

The revelation was shocking. Most women felt that equal pay was required and must be guaranteed for the SAME work. However, that is not the case. 

In addition to this misconception, a  lot many others were unearthed which went on to show that a chunk of people in the country had no idea what all these laws and statistics mean.

But the government too was also shady in dealing with the problem. They made a 1.5-page fact sheet to let people know what they had to. But yet again half of the citations made were from  dubious sources whereas the other half were marked “Ibid” which practically translates to “because we are saying so!”

Thus a more fair means of comparison was needed on the lines of equal pay for equal work. When this metric was worked out, it came to be noted that women earned more than men in many cases. 

Another common used by the feminists is the weapon called “Violence against women”. This too passed when it was revealed that these statistics too were exaggerations and were built on a big fat bail of lies!

For instance, feminists champion that a sharp increase in violence against women in noted during the sporting events. To gauge the truthfulness of this statement, surveys were made of course. Domestic violence campaign during the super bowl games is pretty famous. But sadly for the feminists, such allegations proved far less than the truth. 

If feminism is not practiced keeping in terms with the true meaning of the word, then it has the most dangerous impact- it directly affects the self-esteem of women and children. This does not only refer to what goes on in the schools, it is not about the teacher who presents as a casual bias towards feminism, I am talking about the campaigns that are hosted. 

 For instance, the White Ribbon campaign held by manginas in Australia. For those who don’t know a mangina is a man infected by the idea of feminism. 

Coming back to the campaign, the school kids were given school kits. The prominent message of these kits was that men are perpetrators of violence, and the women are the victims, 

To make the matter worse, all the boys were tired white ribbons on their wrists to ensure that they do not forget the message anytime soon. 

What the hell is this? Yes, feminism should be made a part of the social belief, but it must be done delicately otherwise it might become malignant like cancer.  

Women Are Good At Multitasking- Myth

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I am sure all of us have heard it ” women are good at multitasking” But what I really want to know is, is this really true.

I mean, if it were, what is the premise for this argument?

More importantly what makes it such an accepted social belief that women have the natural ability to juggle a lot of things together?

I am a woman myself but I am very poor with having too many things on my plate.

I mean, if I have to go to the office, I will not be able to make a four-course meal for my family. I cannot have that many projects going on at the same time.

But then I felt that this incapability was a flaw in my character, you know something specific to me. But when I started talking with multiple women of my age group and with a few, elder to me, I realized that the problem with multitasking is not specific to me alone.

It is a myth, more of an old nanny tale which has been spoonfed to us since time immemorial.

To state facts, there is no conclusive research to show that men cannot multitask and women can.

After careful consideration coupled with a bit of logic, it can be concluded that this myth arose from common observation.

Most women say the working women in current times, can do a lot of things at a go. They can cook, take care of their baby, paint their nails and then go out to fight crime in the world. Its all about time management.

This might be taken by many feminist fanatics to paint women in more superior lights. But why was it done?

I mean, this idea has been around for ages. Previously it was with women who would only run the household. But now the lifestyle has become even more challenging.

One reason for popularizing this myth can be to get other women to give their best shot in balancing their roles both at home and outside  

But talking from an empirical point of view, there are no facts to prove that women can multitask better than men.

I personally happen to know many women and men who are awesome at doing multiple things.

For instance, a friend of mine is a single father. After his wife’s demise, he has single-handedly brought up a kid, took care of the household and has held a strong position at his profession. He is a doctor.

There were no women around to help him. So how did he do that if we accept the premise that men are bad at multitasking?

On the other hand, I have another friend who is a girl who cannot do more than two things once. Either she is baking cookies at home and looking after the household chores, or she is running her voluntary campaigns. Never does she mix the two. I think, she can’t. She is challenged to deal with multitasking.

While I found it difficult to come in terms with the popular notion that women can multitask, others have other greater problems.

I know quite a few people who just cannot engage with the concept of multitasking. They do not think that such a concept can exist.

To many, multi-tasking is nothing but shifting between two jobs really quick. Like you are doing one job and you stop doing it, get on with another and then get back to the job that you were doing in the beginning.

Every time a person disengages from one job and goes to the next, he/she loses some amount of efficiency.

Such people feel that men and women would both do a favor to themselves and to the world if they stick to one job, finish it and then move on to the next one.

Multitasking as a concept places a lot of load on the women folks, and that is deliberate pressure applied by society.

The society expects women to do most of the work by labeling them as ‘natural multitaskers”.  This is a case of positive reinforcement which yields negative impacts.

By putting that much pressure on the women, the society is trying to get all the work done by the women while the men can relax maybe? For those reasons, the feminists should really stand up.

In fact, all women who are actually capable of doing a lot of stuff at one go must drop their duties and lie on the couch having chicken wings.

If you want to view this whole multitasking game from another angle there is yet another one on offer.

To think about if we accept the belief that women can multitask it makes the gender physiologically and biologically lesser than the other gender.

Thus it is important for all of us to accept the fact that even men partake in the multitasking efforts. They too can clean the bedroom, prepare their presentations and steel a glance at the football score chat all at once!!

The only thing is since they don’t do it often it has come to be settled on our minds that it’s the women who are shouldering all these responsibilities.

The society is made to stand on two strong pillars, men and women. Both are equally capable of shouldering responsibilities and both have their own limitations.

There is no point in glorifying a myth to make one look better or worse. Let’s all keep up with equality!

Feminazi Quotes

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The term feminazi is not a new thing. However, the feeling associated with the term is very new. The term originated in the 90s due to the shock-jock Rush Limbaugh. However, Rush claimed that the term originated from an academic scholar, Thomas Hazlett.

The term was used to describe the phrase “ a feminist who’s motive in life is to get any many abortions done as possible” The term obviously, did not catch a lot of attention the nighties since its an unobservable category.

In a broader term, the word was used to describe women who made use of authoritarian orthodoxies to shut their components.

While the term lost its grounds in the 90s, it came back again only recently due to Facebook.  Feminazi showed up quite innocently on the various social media channels, though its a blatant acquisition.

Unlike n the bygone time, the term is currently used in casual conversations to highlight what feminism is all about. However, the origin of the term is extreme and used to describe the negative characteristics of certain women.

While that can be one way to look at it, language to plays an important role especially when feminists are concerned.

For centuries, language has been used as an effective tool to oppress women. Women have been called “sluts” for their sexual drives and “bitch” if they are too opinionated and authoritative.

But with time all must change and so must the language. Thus terms bitch and slut have been replaced by the term feminazi. Though most of us use the term very casually, it can often be disturbing for the feminists.

The women are expected to be okay with all the silly sandwich jokes. There should not be any objections from the women if others compliment their body parts, the thing about equal rights and equal pay.  Women are supposed to be all cool about all these, and if by chance, by some ill fate they do protest, they are feminazis.

The word feminazi can just be put in any sentence. It is as common as the nouns verbs and conjunctions we use in sentence formation. It is okay to use the word so rampantly, but what is not okay is that it has a negative and vile ring to it.

Going by the simple etymology of the word, it is formed by combining two words “Feminist”and “Nazis”

For many years feminism has been described as a battle for equal rights, but from where did it originate? Well, it originated from the fact, that women were treated more like possessions and less like humans.  

Their entire life was controlled based on the decisions made by the men. What they will wear who they will vote as their representative were all decided by the men folks.

Its been a global battle for women to get the position that they are in now, and many women are still fighting for various other rights around the world.

Nazism, on the other hand,  massacred human life in the name of racial purity. Jews were tortured in inhuman ways and killed. Half of the population was slaughtered.

Now, doesn’t the combination of Nazism and feminism seem a little absurd and tainted? Just for the fun of social media trolls, two polar opposite constructs have been clubbed together.

While one led to the downfall of humanity, the other is trying to uplift half of the population by asking the world order to change a tad bit to accommodate these people! In which parallel universe are these two concepts the same?

It is not. It cannot be. Thus in that light, the term feminazi has no real base.

Feminazi Quotes

But for the sake of entertainment, there have been multiple quotes that are trending on social media, let us take a glance at those:

“I’m a feminist. I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.” – Maya Angelou

“‘Diiiie men.’ If you play any Broad City episode backwards, that’s all we’re saying.” – Ilana Glazer

“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” – Rebecca West

“With a video like ‘Anaconda,’ I’m a grown-ass fucking woman! I stand for girls wanting to be sexy and dance, but also having a strong sense of themselves. If you got a big ol’ butt? Shake it! Who cares? That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be graduating from college.” – Nicki Minaj

“It’s hard to be told to lighten up because if you lighten up any more, you’re going to float the fuck away.” – Roxane Gay

“When you see the way some people write women, especially in studio movies, it’s like, ‘Sorry! Sorry for being alive!’ Women are so apologetic.” – Jessica Williams

While these are some quotes from famous people and celebrities, let’s look into some which are created by innovative ïndividuals:

“So, we can’t pass gun laws because it threats our liberty. Great. Tell me how you want to regulate marriages and vaginas”

“If women take up guns to protect their reproductive rights, the GOP would ban assault rifles right away”

“ Once the Republicans ban abortion in the cases of incest and rapes, they can focus their attention on America’s spiraling witch issue”.

So now with all these funny quotes, you can bash people up when they come to you with their silly sandwich jokes! Let’s get rolling!

FEMINISM IS A HATE GROUP

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Though the word is hugely misinterpreted, the most celebrated feminists are not taking a step back to be in provocative relation, by commenting on anti-male statements. It clearly shows how the community has grown out to be a male-hating clan. Now when the stream of feminism is flowing rapidly and flooding the world aggressively, it shows that it’s being accepted in places.

But whatever it may be, the matter of interest is to know, is the term is a little too harsh assessment of feminism?

Maybe that’s true!

Well, the concept of feminism was all about seeking equal rights for both the genders. The term did not have any punitive intention of spreading hatred, nuisance, neurotic interests. But somehow the group of feminists and feminism-supporting peoples turned out to be an anti-male society, who entirely hate men and their existence.

Now if you think that the feminists or the feminism loving people only include women, you are undoubtedly wrong. These quotes are evidence of how feminism is no more about equality, but it is about being into different interfaces of society.

“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” 
― Brigham Young

“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” 
― Sheng Wang

“I hate men who are afraid of women’s strength.” 
― Anaïs Nin, 

“Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.” 
― Dorothy L. Sayers, 

“I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.
-Andrea Dworkin

“Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage.” 

-Sheila Cronin, the leader of the feminist organization NOW

“The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race.

-Sally Miller Gearhart, in The Future – If There Is One – Is Female

“I believe that women have a capacity for understanding and compassion, which man structurally does not have, does not have it because he cannot have it. He’s just incapable of it.

-Barbara Jordan, former Congresswoman

The above quotations are some of the collections from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/feminism, which is an assortment of many Feminist quotes by famous Feminist Philosophers.

Now if you think that it was enough, then you are wrong

Feminism is not at all; bounded within the walls of social posting or official bartering of immense hatred. When the Feminist clan thinks that there is nothing a woman can’t do, or women are no way lesser than the men, the men community finds it very interesting to be true.

But the story gets a twist when all women are not feminists, and even anti-feminists are women who think and consider the movement to be a little too overrated and devastating.

As per Newton’s third law, every action has its equal and opposite reaction. The feminist vs Anti-Feminist chess game is no more a social issue, but it has been dragged politically too. Not from now, but since ages. Have a look.

Some Famous Feminists of all time:

Simone de Beauvoir: A political activist and a social theorist, wrote a book paving the ideology of modern feminism. The book was insanely influential and was banned by the Vatican in 1949.

Eleanor Roosevelt: The wave of feminism was drowning the white house even before the term “Feminism” was well understood. Eleanor was the first lady who took the responsibilities of talking about women’s problem apart from merely entertaining and hosting in the white house, from 1935 to 1962. She spoke of equal rights and the social issues faced by women.

Gloria Steinem: Ah! You can’t afford to miss the mother of feminism. Yes! That is what she called. She led many liberation movements to favor women in the late 60s and early 70s. She was even honored with the presidential medal of freedom in 1993 and 2013.

FINAL WORDS: Feminism is not about hating men by any chance. It is about fighting for the self-existence. The term came into action from the male-dominated society of the ancient time, to get equal voting rights, rights to education and placing opinions.

But the era of Feminism movement has gone way beyond than just that. It is more than getting paid equally or giving more or equal privileges. The world has gone blind with the fact that not every Feminist is the same. But won’t the eye-for-an-eye concept will blindfold the world altogether someday? Well, that can be a fact, or just a lie- a matter of contradiction.

Brilliant yet simple water wheel by a young social entrepreneur, Cynthia Koenig

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Each day millions of females belonging to poor communities from all around the world, living in water scarce environment travel several kilometers and spend hours together to collect water from a distance source. They carry several liters of water on top of their head and walk for hours.

Learning about this problem, the young entrepreneur Cynthia Koenig wanted to do something to solve the issue or at least minimize the difficulty of these females who carry water.

Are you thinking who Cynthia Koenig is and how did she try to resolve the issue? Continue reading this article to learn more about her and her contribution to poor community girls and women around the world.

Cynthia Koenig is a young entrepreneur and anthropologist from New York. She holds a dual degree, MBA / MS from the University of Michigan’s Ross school of business and school of natural resources and environment and also a BA degree in anthropology from Trinity college. 

With her ambitious goal of serving people and providing them with clean water and reducing their effort in carrying water, she founded “Wello”.

The vision of Koenig’s Wello:

Wello is an international social venture to help people living in rural areas. The main goal of Wello is to deliver clean water to the thirsty world. The organization created an opportunity out of the water crisis problem and developed an innovative water transportation tool, the water wheel.

This organization designs and delivers their innovations at an affordable price to help people save time and increase opportunities to access water and break the families from the cycle of poverty.

All about Cynthia Koenig water wheel:

After learning about the water transporting issue, Cynthia Koenig decided to help these women by creating a new way to transport water from distant sources and she named it as “water wheel”.

  • The water wheel created by Cynthia Koenig allows people to roll water in a container.
  • The capacity of the container is around 50 liters.
  • It is available at an affordable price and is easy to handle and clean.
  • Waterwheel helps women to get water easily in less time.
  • This amazing creation is durable and helps ladies save their time and helps in reducing physical exertion. 
  • The life changing waterwheel is easy to use and is a boon to people who used to carry water from a distant source.

How will the water wheel help the girls and ladies who fetch water from distant sources?

In rural areas, ladies and young girls spend hours together in collecting water from a water source which is located far away from their home. They carry the load of water pot on top of their head and walk for miles together.

Creation of water wheel helps in saving time and energy. In turn, helps the ladies to utilize the saved time in earning few bucks for her family and at the same time young girls can utilize the saved time in education and this in turn, helps them to raise the standard of their living in a long run.

How did Cynthia Koenig founded a social enterprise company called Wello?

Cynthia Koenig used $100,000 grand challenges Canada prize to develop exceptionally brilliant and incredible water wheel and founded the company, Wello. The company is piloting water wheels not only in India’s rural areas but also in other parts of the world.

Now Koenig is planning to add additional features to waterwheels like

  • Using the rotation of the waterwheel to charge the cell phone
  • She is also planning to add filtration and
  • Kit for drip irrigation

This need of the hour tool benefit millions of women’s in India and all over the world. This invention is going to make a phenomenal difference in the lives of women and their family.

Are attractive women hired because of their looks?

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Today’s scenario, looks are something being taken care of by every individual whether be a man or a woman but for most this is a matter of intense care specially or women. To look attractive at the workplace, some women lighten their hair, replace glasses with contact lenses and wear high heel shoes.

Studies reveal that managing appearance is one of the major perspectives for professional women to walk: there’s both a bonus and a penalty to being attractive in the workplace. Some researches suggests women who take more care in their appearance earn higher incomes, while on the other hand, women are seen as less capable or less qualified for their positions.

Traci Sitzmann, a management professor belonging to the University of Colorado in Denver says: the simplest part of a woman’s face- her hair and mainly the color of her hair really can make a difference in how she is seen at work. But these perceptions can be a reason for women to get hurt at workplace.

“We all have stereotypes of what it means to be a brunette, what it means to be a redhead versus a blonde,” she says. “The problem is you want women to go to work … and rise to the upper echelons of the organization. Not to sit there and manage their hair color.”

Professor Jaclyn Wong from the University of Chicago specifies the two aspects for being “attractive:” the first one is our natural appearance (symmetrical features, height) and second is the things we work on (grooming, makeup, wardrobe selection). Her research clearly found that the latter makes a remarkable difference in how women are perceived.

“So our interpretation of our findings is that for women, all of these beauty practices are more about controlling women’s behavior than it is about ‘oh, we love beautiful people,'” she says.

Wong typically emphasizes that, at different stages of a woman’s career, the perception is different and vary form one woman to the other.

Many women are awarded in the early stages of their career, but when the C-suite is crossed, everything changes.

According to Professor Wong, “Once women get into managerial positions, positions of leadership, positions of power, beauty becomes a liability because our stereotypes around beauty are that they’re incompatible with capability.”

“So if you’re too beautiful, maybe you’re not that competent. Maybe you’re a ‘dumb blonde.’ That’s a lot more true for women than it is for men.”

However, other studies have revealed the fact that, high achieving women have 6 personality traits. Another researcher now emphasizes on the fact that for surviving a high pressure environment stress tolerance is mandatory and for him this is actually one of the key aspects of personality. Many interviewers o

Also look for such kind of traits while interviewing and when it comes to testing resilience and stress handling, the following six traits are bang on. These traits have actually nothing to do with the looks of an individual, these are basically quality based traits.

1) Straight forward approach

Being straight forward in industry or at workplace means a lot. One should be able to put the correct things in front of the clients. You should be frank and clever enough to handle everything with the right attitude. One should rationally state the case but not emotionally.

2) Aggressiveness

Being a woman, the word aggressiveness sounds like a negative word, but it is one of the necessary characteristic one should possess just to have control over the things and to make the right things happen at the workplace.

It’s ‘constructive’ aggression, if you like – because it has to be balanced by…

3) Emotional Assistance

Being a leader at the workplace one should be able to understand every other one’s emotions as we all are humans and go through one or the other emotions like fear, weakness, success or failure during different stages of life. We should try to listen t and understand the feelings of others. This makes the environment more friendly and improves an individual’s performance. But where the successful woman probably makes her mark is being understanding, without allowing sentimentality to throw everything off-course.

4) Ego strength

Ego sounds like aa very big word but when taken positively, it boosts confidence and overcome challenges which is important when you aim to be at the top.There’s nothing arrogant about knowing your strengths and displaying them.

5) Energy

An energy filled day is started well with some exercises, a good diet and plenty of water which keeps you very well inspired and active throughout the day. It also enhances the quality of your performance.

When you are energetic enough you will never feel martyred about a heavy workload whether it’s a long or hectic day.

Leaders tend only to feel like that when they’re knackered; most of the time, the challenge itself is re-energizing.

6) Stress tolerance

As I have earlier mentioned in this article, stress tolerance is mandatory at any workplace. If you feel stressed, give yourself some alone time to manage our stress levels, drinking a glass of water or listening to your favorite music can help lowering your stress levels to a great extent.

The conclusion as per current scenario is that looks do matter a lot in terms of getting a job. It is quite obvious that companies are hiring mainly those female candidates who look charming and attractive. People with facial disfigurements, scars or birthmarks are less likely to get good ratings in an interview as published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

Mikki Hebl, a professor of psychology at the Rice University said: “The bottom line is that how your face looks can significantly influence the success of an interview”. “There have been many studies showing that specific groups of people are discriminated against in the workplace, but this study takes it a step further, showing why it happens. The allocation of attention away from memory for the interview content explains this.”

The Myth of Women and Control

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My good friend Louise Racine recently commented with surprise: It’s because most women feel so out of control in their lives that they don’t recognize or identify with the idea of how controlling their actions actually are.

I was talking to her about my observations of busy women trying to get everything done, feeling responsible for everyone in their family, overstressed with obligations at work, taking on roles that rescue, protect, serve and nurture.

Some women feel victimized by their exhaustion, the insurmountable lists of duties; beaten down by the futility of their efforts to make other people happy.

It’s sadly ironic that many women feel out of control of their lives as a direct result of spending most of their time trying to control their environment and those around them. It’s a vicious cycle and causes deep discontent and discouragement, robbing women’s spirits of joy and satisfaction.

Women are getting stuck in DOING, rather than living. Their way of demonstrating love isn’t getting the desired results.

The trap of this cycle is the often unconscious self-imposed agenda that dictates this belief:” I am the only one who can make my family happy, and/or get the job done right.”

Some women have created a specific picture that reflects that agenda and dangles like a carrot. An image of what happiness or achievement or success looks like for that family member, friend or colleague. A picture of what correct decisions look like, as if there’s only one way to paint that canvas.

The picture doesn’t usually include conflict, disappointment, struggle or failure, so when those unexpected occurrences interfere with the image you’re trying to fulfill, you may dig into your resolve and try even harder to get back on that track.

The thing is conflict, disappointment and failure are part of our emotional and spiritual growth. They are necessary detours, teachers and disciplinarians in the maturing process. Closed doors point to open ones. Our way is not the only way.

It comes down to whether your actions honour or dishonour boundaries. My clients are shocked when I suggest that it’s the height of arrogance to think we know better for others than they do for themselves.

We certainly are entitled to an opinion, we’re just not necessarily entitled to share it at will. We’re definitely not entitled to insist that we’re right, even when we believe we are and that our way will guarantee better results.

Lessons learned from mistakes are part of a healthy integrated life. People are entitled to disagree with us, to not listen to good advise. It’s called Free Will.

Sometimes our noble intention to protect someone else is a disservice to the life process that their choice is taking them through. It’s not up to me or you to deny anyone their growth process, however painful it is to watch. The philosophy to Live and let live is at least worth at a try.

The respect inherent in the choice not to interfere in someone’s life is awesome.

For example: How about taking a deep breath and give someone space to practice reaching out for help, a chance to dig in deep and dare to trust, hope, leap, rather than deny the person you love so much that life enhancing experience when you rush to take care of the situation.

How about trusting your friend to know what’s right for herself. How about showing your generosity by believing in your spouse enough to know what the best thing to do is. How about letting someone figure it out all alone, as you loyally silently stand by should help be requested.

Unless there are young children involved or it’s life threatening, it’s almost always none of our business what another person decides to do- about hair colour, boyfriend, décor, job, divorce, purchase, change.

Wanting to save someone the heartache from what you believe to be a poor decision may feel like a natural impulse, a good thing to do and the correct course of action, but it’s rarely ultimately in the best interest of the one you are intending to protect.

My father couldn’ save me from the experiences that hurt me, but he did wisely reassure me I’d never die from a broken heart. That helped me immeasurably in developing stamina through the tears, along with what I learned first hand about what I did and didn’t want in future relationships.

However his disapproval of the relationships I chose to end, or which I wasn’t interested in even considering to begin, caused some of the bitterest arguments between us and the damage lasted for years. Of course he wanted me to be happy, however it was according to the picture in his mind about how happiness could be achieved.

My mother did all she could to steer me into a career that seemed secure in her eyes. As a teenager I was considering art school and she strongly suggested I study as a medical illustrator when I refused to think about her idea that I become a Pharmacist. An ugly argument followed. When I was in my 2nd year of my Fine Arts degree she suggested I at least train as a teacher so that I could get a job when I graduated. That was good advise for the skills I learned while taking that 2nd degree, however the public school system felt like a noose on my spirit. I never got a full time teaching job much to her displeasure.

Throughout my years developing and facilitating Aziza Healing Adventures, my mother would somberly ask me about my plan ‘B’. Finally in her last reflective years as she battled cancer, my mother recognized and shared that she could never do what I do, never live without the security of a paycheck, benefits and pension plan. She recognized and finally respected that I had a fundamentally different way of living than she did. It finally occurred to her that I wasn’t wrong. She saw that I was making my happiness and admired my vision for myself.

It took most of my adult life to realize that rather than criticizing me, my mother was trying to protect me from her worst nightmare of uncertain future and financial insecurity, born from the rubble of her experiences in Germany in WWII. My mother couldn’t save me from my true self-expression which from a conventional world perspective unwisely courts insecurity. I’m OK living on the unconventional edge. It’s my choice. It’s my calling.

No matter how good your intentions, if you are too busy trying to run other peoples lives while you are not at all focused on meeting your own needs, no one wins. It is a guaranteed No-Win scenario.

Resentment breeds rampant in these martyred situations. Disappointment and misunderstanding thrive. Blame rides on the tail of guilt trips. Secret and sometimes unreasonable expectations drive wedges in relationships that pierce the flow of harmony.

When you do something you really don’t want to do, people can smell it from a hundred paces. And don’t think you’re beyond having strings all over your generous gesture. Just check in with your resentment meter for a glimpse of what’s really going on inside you when people don’t co-operate the way they should with your brand of giving.

The picture in our minds that drives this engine of madness dictates:

I want you to do this because I believe it will make you happy. I need you to be happy so that I can be happy. So do what I tell you.

Or, I want to take care of/ rescue/ nurture you because then you will need me, and I will feel important and valuable. I will feel loveable.

Or, if you see how well I get the job done, how competent I am, then I will feel important, valuable, successful. I will feel that I am good enough. I am worthy.

That’s the rub. That’s the centre for control. It’s ultimately all about you and how you want to feel. It’s about your need to feel happy, loveable, worthy.

And it doesn’t work! Are you happy yet? Are you there yet? Are you enough yet? The picture in your mind is the illusion that feeds your feelings of futility.

The GOOD NEWS is that there’s a simple way out.

One of the most repeatedly sad moments for me as a therapist is how often women look at me in wonder when I suggest that it is an option to consider taking time to discover what their own needs are. It is a viable option to ask directly to get their needs met.

Just for a change of pace, as an experiment, why not simply focus on getting your needs met directly, find out what might make you happy, content, satisfied, relieved or whatever feeling it is you are reaching for through another person’s life.

My invitation is to all of you.

Take that bath, let someone else pick up the kids, cancel that appointment, say ‘No’ to the favour asked. When you realize the price is too high for you to keep a commitment dare to disappoint someone’s expectations- do it as an act of outrageous personal loyalty.

Ask yourself everyday, “What do I want?” and listen. It could be to sleep, to leave, to quit, to eat ice cream. It could be to buy that new shed, fix that broken thing, hire a helping hand, go to the party alone. It could be to cry, to call a friend, to adopt the pet you’ve always wanted.

Imagine all that delicious time and energy you’ll have when you finally dare to mind YOUR OWN business!

Dialing your desires and needs into your daily life list of things to do is ultimately the best decision you can make.

It’s a magnificent role you can model to your children, family, and friends.

Self-care is the best and healthiest use of your masterful control skills.

HOW ROMANTIC HUMOR BOOSTS YOUR CAREER PROSPECTS

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Humor at work is often restricted to workplace related jokes which mostly involve mocking the boss or imitating fellow colleagues in their absence. This culture can eventually turn your office into a humor-desert where no joy and laughter grows. As a result, you may end up working among people with dry jokes and burnout which lowers the general workforce’s morale and brings on poor results. Give your office jokes a romantic touch to help you change the dull office culture in a manner that bolsters your career prospects.

Humor and Popularity

Crack romantic jokes in the office to stand out from the rest since the jokes bring out your bold and fearless traits besides making you appear witty and human. You can, for example, tell a colleague that you’ve defaulted on your love diet because you haven’t laid eyes on him or her for three days.

You can alternatively say, “I was dreaming that you and I are getting married in paradise when my alarm went off and it got me thinking why does work always come between us.” Jokes of these kinds raise your popularity bar, inspiring many of your colleagues to back you up when a higher rank falls vacant. A move that increases your of chances of moving up the professional ladder.

Humor and Efficiency

“Hello angel, how was heaven when you left it? You come to guide me through the world of love this morning?” This is an example of a witty joke that can make a colleague find you easy to talk and approachable whenever he or she is in need of your professional opinion. You will as result be able to discuss numerous concepts with various coworkers, making it possible to boost your professionalism and productivity in a manner that’s likely to hand you a promotion letter.

Humor and Networking

Complementing your colleagues beauty aspects in a captivating way makes it difficult for them to forget you. A joke such as, can you please bring the file we talked about and a pencil with a rubber at the bottom-tip since I want to erase your past and jot down our future is memorable. People will consequently grow found of you and introduce you to a wider network of friends or professionals who can help you get a better job in another company or sail up the ranks in your current organization.

Humor and Creativity

Showcase your creativity by weaving your romantic jokes with the perfect workplace situations at random to catch your workmates unaware and to make your jokes sound funnier. Drop a joke such as, “You must be a magician because each time I look in your direction, everybody disappears”. This joke can bring out your creativity if you’re moderating a meeting, for example, and you find yourself giving a specific workmate more chances to speak compared to the rest of them. This could be because he or she understands the matter at hand better than others.

Make romantic jokes general or make yourself the clown in the joke when speaking in high-power company meetings attended by the company’s high ranking officials. This enables you to avoid embarrassing your colleagues whom you may hit with a similar joke directly under the normal office environment.

5 THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T SAY TO SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION

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1 in 4 people suffers from depression or another kind of mental illness at some point in their life. You probably know somebody who suffers from it, whether that be a friend or even a close family member. Below you can find a list of the things you should NEVER say to anymore who is suffering from the disease. It can be easy to go down the route of saying these words, but you really need to think carefully about what you say when you are around somebody who has depression.

1. “What have you got to be depressed about?”

Depression isn’t usually about one certain thing and asking the sufferer, what they are depressed about can make them feel even worse. The truth is they probably don’t know themselves whats wrong with them, so explaining to you is almost impossible. Give them the option to talk to you if they want to, but don’t push it – if they want to open up, they will.

2. “You’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Depression does not go away overnight and telling somebody that they will feel better tomorrow, could make them have false hope or feel like a failure. Instead of saying this, remind them that things CAN get better in the future and guide them in the right direction (counseling or visiting a doctor.)

3. “I know how you feel, my neighbors cat had depression.”

This is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say to someone with depression and can make them feel insignificant. No two people who suffer from depression will be going through the same thing. We are all individual and will deal with the illness in different ways. Telling them the facts about depression like how many people have it, might make them feel not so alone but you should never brush off their emotions.

4. “You’re bringing me down.”

Depression is not a choice and telling somebody that their making YOU sad, by being sad is not going to help the situation. Psychiatrist and doctors have said that people with depression feel helpless, this kind of comment could really drive them over the edge. If you are a true friend of this person in your life, you will support them no matter what. Just remember that they are not feeling this way on purpose and they need your support now, more than ever.

5. “Let’s go out, get drunk and forget about it.”

This disease is not like having a bad day, it’s like having many bad days piled on top of each other. Getting drunk isn’t going to help things, in-fact – alcohol and depression can be a horrible combination. Instead of saying something so ridiculous, suggest going for a coffee and a chat.

If you have never had depression, you have absolutely no idea what it feels like and you should think before you say things to somebody who is suffering from it. The best thing you can be is 100% totally there for them and understanding throughout this bad period in their life. When they come out the other end, they will remember your loyalty and will be so grateful.

5 BEST OFFICE CARTOONS AND COMIC STRIPS

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In the modern busy corporate environment, one often finds themselves in a state of disarray from a host of duties they are scheduled to perform at any particular time. One thing that people usually ignore is the element of refreshing their brain occasionally, as the amount of work to be done always surpasses the time allocated. Nonetheless, rib-cracking laughs between periods of work can not only motivate, but also make one feel less tired. Humor serves to refresh your brain and enhance your creativity. At the workplace therefore, take short breaks from the duty to watch some comic strips of even office cartoons- after all, work without play made Jack a dull boy. Some of the best work place comic strips and cartoons that will leave you in stitches are outlined here below.

1. The Glass Ceiling

One thing most people value is a hearty laugh, it saves you the frown which only expedite wrinkle-growth on your face. With funny phrases like, ‘They’ve been like this ever since Mary presented her report. It’s the worst case of paralysis by analysis I’ve ever seen! The glass ceiling will make you laugh your work-worries away and renew your energy to work even more.

2. Not a Morning Person

And here comes another cartoon that will leave your stomach hurting at the workplace. Not a morning person also commonly referred to as the ‘Early Morning Meeting’ highlights funny events office people undergo from the time they wake up until the leave for their jobs. So yeah, the cartoon not only lets you laugh yourself silly but also touches on your real life.

3. When I Grow Up

Ha! Ha! Ha! I just laughed. Ever wondered what happened to your ‘huge’ childhood dreams? Well, you will reflect on your ‘I want to be a rocket scientist’ dream and wonder what happened to it, now that you are just clueless sitting there flipping from one accounting sum to the other.

4. The Maternity Leave

If you are a corporate-woman, you might probably be interested in this gut-splitting comic strip. Imagine the day your maternity leave application was approved; now, imagine yourself three months later reporting to work. Confused and acting like a newbie, the faces and cues plus the actions that characterize the corporate manager in this short strip will leave you roaring with laughter.

5. Only A Military Man

This comic strip focuses on leadership at the workplace. Wallowing in the miasma of confusion, various characters in this strip cannot to agree who should and who should not be a leader. As one man thinks only a military man has the patriotism to be a leader, the other insists that a business has the required experience to, yet the third one feels that the scientist has the required intelligence; as if not enough, another oppose suggest that lawyers are the best. Who do you think is the best? As you search your mind for the answer, time is whiling away. In addition to letting you laugh yourself to tears, this office cartoon makes those long eight working hours seem like seconds.

On the whole, despite the laughter, the fun and the comedy, you have to complete your task for the day. It is therefore only fair that you watch very short comic strips which will not take much of your time and compromise your work. Mentioned above are such strips.

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